GRAHAM: If you have information, theories or ideas about what might've happened to Buddha Kline please give us a call at [REDACTED]
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CALLER (MUFON): Graham, I understand you’re sarcasm when dealing with many of our field reporters. We’re an eccentric bunch, but Amy definitely needs to file a report with MUFON. There should be a local chapter in Austin. Or she could file with one back in New Mexico where the sighting occurred. Either way once the report is received we will open up a case and check for plausible explanations. Nearby airports, flight paths, drone activity, and other possible witness testimonies. We’ll take a deep dive into all that and be sure that what was witnessed actually was an unidentifiable object. Again, I understand the stigma, but please, report the sighting to MUFON.
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CALLER (LOS ALAMOS): Carson National Forest, where Amy and Buddha claimed to have watched a UFO fly overhead is basically the backyard for The Los Alamos National Laboratory. That’d be my first guess for anything weird out that way. Any UFO they saw was most likely some Government project plane or something.
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CALLER (BB’S): Back in 2006, my doctor discovered a pair of bb’s just under the skin of my left shoulder.... I was a curious ten year old, so I asked him if I could take them home. At the time I didn’t realize what an important question that was...I still have them... the bb’s. They’re in a jar on my nightstand. I keep them close because sometimes at night the tiny metal balls will vibrate ever so gently against the glass... And on those nights....I know they’re coming to see me. So I get to bed early.
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CADAVER DAN (voicemail): My niece told me about your show and showed me a particular episode she said would be of interest to me. Now after listening to the segment and helping her find the little ear piece I fumbled and dropped... I went on the computer and looked into it a little more. And I gotta say, I'm interested. As well as offering my dearest condolences I'd like to offer my services. Now I ain't good at much, but if I'm good at anything its finding things that nobody else can. I know those mountains better than anyone on the planet and if he's out there I can find him. Go ahead and give me a call back if you want to find your boy. Again my name is Daniel Thompson, but please call me Dan.
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CALLER (CONCERT SIGHTING): Last year my friends and I went to Coachella. We had a great time. This isn’t some insane story about being kidnapped or brainwashed at a music concert.... What happened was..... well basically some weird looking dude with a white guy afro and a long beard came up to me and said, “My name is Buddha Kline. Buddha Kline, Please remember that. My name is Buddha Kline. Tell them I’m alive.” The thing is... the guy looked real desperate when he said that, but then afterward he just smiled. Took a swig. And walked away. I had really been enjoying Gambino’s set up to that point and that.... really just killed my vibe. I can’t say for sure if it was him or not. It could have just been someone who heard about the Buddha Kline case and wanted to play a sick joke... I don’t know. I just thought I should call. Just in case.
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CALLER (SKEPTIC): Graham, I’m a skeptical man by nature. I’m not one to buy into all this supernatural stuff... so when I tell you that in 1984 I might’ve accidentally summoned a UFO while performing an exorcism in the New Mexican desert, you can trust that I’m telling the god’s honest truth.
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CALLER (TAOS IS WEIRD): A lot of places say they’re weird. Austin. Portland. Fucking Athens, probably. But Taos is actually weird. Pretty much right when we arrived we watched a guy dressed like Spiderman beat the shit out of a purse-snatcher. You don’t see that everyday.’ But then I did... see that everyday. Not always a purse-snatcher or even a criminal. Sometimes it was a drunk or a loudmouth. One time it was a frustrated dad in khaki shorts and a salmon colored polo. Turns out Spiderman just liked to fight. Next morning we’re hiking out there... out... I don’t fucking know where... really... lots of trees and shit. We came across an old Volkswagen Beetle completely covered in bullet-holes. When we got close enough we saw that the car was filled with.....bones.. Not like human bones... They were chicken bones. Like cooked, fried and gnawed on... chicken bones. There had to be hundreds of them. Another night we’re at some bar, I can’t remember the name it doesn’t matter... this guy comes in and he looks shaken up... but excited. Like he just narrowly missed a nasty car wreck and can’t wait to pour the gory details onto to someone else. ...So, I give him what he’s looking for... I call the guy over to our table and it takes maybe two beers before he’s gets into it.... He tells us he’s from Kansas, and I shit you not... that he’s not there on vacation. He’s on a mission... to find... Forrest Fenn’s Treasure. (Excited) Right?! Forrest Fucking Fenn's Treasure! When I heard your show I was like, oh man, they’re talking about Chicken Man’s treasure! Hold on. I’m getting ahead of myself. So... the guy won’t tell us exactly where it happened, because of reasons, but he did tell us that he was close to what he believed to be ‘The Blaze’ or Fenn’s final clue that would point him to the treasure... and he was attacked... But get this... He says he was attacked by a six foot tall Chicken. I ask him if it looked like Big Bird and he looks me dead in my eye, terrified, and he says, “No... more like Foghorn Leghorn and I start to laugh, but the guy keeps going... He says.... No, more like Foghorn Leghorn, but with a snout instead of a beak and two Goat horns jutting out of its skull.” Bullshit, right? I tell him as much and he proceeds to pull back his coat to show me four big ass slashes on his left side. They aren’t deep, but they aren’t nothing. Something definitely got ahold of him. I’m still thinking this guy fell while climbing over a chain link fence or something, but then he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture. It’s blurry because of course it’s fucking blurry. Fucking Sasquatch or some shit. But I can make out enough details to see exactly what he described. A six-foot tall Chicken-man with a Goat’s head. Taos is fucking weird, man.
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CALLER (DARRYL FROM LUBBOCK): Hey Graham I got one for ya, Back in 1994, me and a buddy, Mark Florkowski, were headed from Albuquerque to Aspen and we ended up stopping for gas in this tiny little nothing town called Therma, New Mexico. About 50 miles or so east of Taos. We went inside to pay for our gas and get something to drink, but... there wasn’t anything in the store except a counter and a cash register. Behind the counter were these two guys, all wrinkled and leather skinned and shit, but the weirdest part... was that they didn’t have any hair. Like any. At all. None on their heads or their faces or their arms or legs. No eyebrows. And I remember it smelled weird in there too. Like a hospital... that unnatural sort of sterile smell, but... wetter. Anyways one of ‘em, said, “You boys look thirsty, have a drink”, and pulled out a couple bottles of water. Fuck that shit, right? No thank you. But my buddy Mark grabs one and just starts chugging. They smile. He smiles. And I’m just standing there like... can I pay for my gas and leave already? I told Mark he probably shouldn’t drink water from hairless hillbillies. He just laughed and said, too late it already happened. He used to say that all the time. Well, we made it about a half hour down the highway before Mark started screaming about fleas under his fingernails and spiders laying eggs in his neck. I tried to calm him down, but it was pointless. I remember him looking me straight in the eyes and saying he could see his mother buried up to her neck in red sand, cooking, somewhere out in the desert. I got us a room in some other crap town and let him sit in the shower until he stopped crying. Completely ruined our trip. Oh and I almost forgot the best part... There is no Therma, New Mexico! It doesn’t exist! It’s not on the map! Someone is playing games out there, Graham.
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AMY KLINE (voicemail): Hey… I have some things I want to say so I thought it’d probably just be easier to call the tip-line and leave you a message. I heard the calls at the end of the last episode…. Wow… You don’t deserve all that. I mean, I get it… I was upset, sure, but I know, and I’m sure Jerry and Beth know deep down you’re trying to do the right thing. You’re trying to help. I don’t know how to make this feel normal. Most days I’m just running out the clock. I’m consistently drained, but I never sleep. When I do manage to sleep I have the most vivid nightmares. And it’s always the same few things. I’m back in the woods. All alone again. Or I’m trapped in a burning building. Or, sometimes, I’m on the outside of it… and I’m just watching it burn. Or my brain will even re-mix and mashup a few classics together where I show up late to class and I realize I’ve been skipping all semester and its exam day and then some fucking bear with horns and claws walks in the door and starts tearing everyone apart. I don’t know… I guess I’m trying to say that I’d still be willing to talk. To try and sort it all out. I think the universe is sending me messages. To keep going. It’s hard to explain… Sometimes it’s just a feeling.. And sometimes it’s a sign. Literally.. There’s a billboard in Downtown Austin right now that says, “Fly Non-Stop from Austin to Taos.” And where should it be, but literally two blocks from my job. Its on the path I walk from a parking garage to the call center and there it is, a fifty-foot message from the Universe telling me to go back to New Mexico. To keep looking. Or maybe its just all the people in Austin searching Taos because of the case and some algorithm highlighted some connection and thought it could make some money… I have no clue. But I choose to believe its a message from the universe. And not just an ad. I was scrolling through Facebook torturing myself and I came across some pictures from when me and Buddha first moved in together. There’s over 900 pictures in the album and they are almost all pictures of our dog, Joslyn. We didn’t have her long... She was an old dog who needed a home and we were a young couple who needed a living thing to share. So for a couple years Joslyn was our old little puppy. I always loved Blue Heelers. My best friend had one when I was a kid and that dog, Socks, went everywhere with us. So when I saw Joslyn sitting there in the cage at the shelter, I immediately thought of Socks. My heart swelled and I knew we’d found our dog… I scrolled through the pictures for probably three hours. I don’t think I realized how many pictures I’d taken of Joslyn and Buddha napping on the couch together…And the next day, I’m out walking through a nature preserve behind my apartment complex and I’m barely ten minutes into my walk when I see a Blue Heeler run past me. I didn’t get a good look, but from what I did see, I thought it looked so much like Joslyn. Another day, another walk, same spot and the same thing happened. Only this time… since it grabbed my attention right away, I noticed the blue and red dog collar. It was the same exact collar Joslyn wore… on an identical dog. Without really thinking about the logistics of what my brain was telling me I was seeing… I called out to her and shouted her name. The dog stopped. Turned its head and barked at me. And in that moment I could see… for sure… it wasn’t a dog that looked like Joslyn. It’s her. It’s my baby girl. I tell her to come and she runs away.. Once again turning the corner to another trail head and disappearing… I’ve gone back almost everyday for the past few weeks… hoping I’d see her again. But she hasn’t come back… But come on that has to be a sign, right? Its not just a coincidence… It has to mean something.. …Ugh… I don’t know. Like I said it calms me down to pretend that all this means something… that all the clues will actually lead us somewhere… But if I can’t talk to you about it then I’ll just repeat it in my head until I convince myself I’m losing my mind… Sorry this message was so long and weird and pointless. Just Graham, call me back sometime if you want to talk or whatever. Please don’t put this on the show.
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CALLER (LONELY CALLER): Yeah I saw something in the woods. It was big it was brown... It was a bear. But then after that I saw well it was a campfire. Truthfully I didn't see much... Its just lonely. And I don't have anyone to talk to so I'm calling up. I did see something in the sky once... It was a cloud it looked kinda like a.... One time I saw a....
