CALLER (LIVE SHOW COMPLAINTS) (Voicemail): Hello, my name is James. I was at last night’s live recording of your podcast and I just wanted to tell you how offensive and tacky and downright disrespectful you behaved. Trivia questions to win prizes? A t-shirt cannon? How does any of this help find Buddha? I guess Im just as guilty because I bought a ticket to it. I supported this bullshit.
GRAHAM (V.O.): (somber) There’s been a lot of chatter on Twitter so I just want to make something clear. I was never looking to profit off a tragedy. I saw someone who was not being allowed to tell her side of the story and I wanted to help her tell it, without ridicule or shame or condescension. And I wanted to help find Buddha Kline. However misguided my actions onstage may appear, please know that I was genuinely coming from a good place when I decided to have the live show, but after careful consideration I’ve decided to cancel the remaining live shows in Albuquerque and Denver, and our place on the True Crime Panel during South by Southwest 2022. And I fully acknowledge that I have some things I need to set right. So from a very humbled Graham Anderson, I welcome you to The Subjective Truth.
INT. BETH'S HOUSE - EVENING
[SCREEN DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING]
BETH: Oh Graham, bless your heart, come in, come in, it’s freezing out there. Graham, before I forget... look what came in the mail.
GRAHAM (V.O.): Beth held out a calendar and on the cover was a big orange cat.
BETH: Isn’t that so sweet? I couldn’t wait to show you.
[MUTED SOUND OF BABY FROM ANOTHER ROOM]
BETH (CONT’D): People must’ve heard me talking about how I missed getting stuff because last week a Garfield pillow set came in. And then a real nice Garfield coffee table book. And yesterday, Huzzah! It’s a Garfield Calendar just like we were talking about.
GRAHAM: I’m glad the fans are reaching out.
BETH: Thank you for everything you’re doing Graham. It means the world to me.
GRAHAM: Thank you for opening your life and letting me in.
BETH: Ive kinda been re-thinking some things that happened when Buddha was little... Things that didn’t seem so weird then, but now... I wonder what was really going on. I was actually thinking that you might be able to help me make sense of it. You know more about all this.. weird stuff... than I do... so..
GRAHAM: I’m no expert, but maybe a listener might know something…
BETH: Well, I guess we’ll see what they have to say... When Buddha was a kid, around six or seven, he would spend entire days on his bike riding around the neighborhood with his friend Gabriel. I thought that when he said they were doing tricks on their bikes, he meant, like bunny-hops. Things like that. But one day I’m in the kitchen mopping the floor and Buddha comes busting through the back door. His face is twisted up in pain and his leg is torn up pretty bad, he’s got this golfball sized knot on the side of his head and his right arm is slumped down. I can tell he isn’t putting any weight on it. Gabriel is basically carrying him in. I see my child all wrecked and bleeding and I panic. I rush Buddha to the Emergency Room and get him checked out. Everything is fine. Just a broken collarbone. But afterward the Doctor tells me there was something a little strange on the x-rays... something looks out of place. He shows me these two tiny circles just below Buddha’s right shoulder. Probably nothing, he says, but we should follow up with a specialist just to be safe. A few weeks later Buddha had minor surgery to have the things removed. They showed them to me. They were two identical tiny metal balls. Real dull looking. Like b-b’s from a bb gun, but a little larger and not as shiny.
GRAHAM: Do you still have them?
BETH: No. They asked me if I wanted to take them home, but I didn’t. I think they ended up just throwing them away.
GRAHAM (V.O.): If we still had access to the objects I would have them tested, just to be sure, but Beth’s instincts were probably true here. These were most likely nothing more than be-be’s or some other form of common metal which had found its way into Buddha’s shoulder, but the resemblance of this story to the claims made by many other alien abductees is quite striking. Longtime Late Night Radio DJ Mark Shell had this to say about the alien implant phenomenon….
MARK SHELL: The term, Alien Implant, refers to physical objects, usually metal, found in the body of an alien abduction survivor. The first recorded claim of an alien implant came from a 1957 interview on The Long John Nebel Radio Show with UFO Investigator John Robinson. In the interview Robinson shared the details of a 1938 case he had researched in which the abductee had small metal pieces which operated like earphones, planted behind each of his ears. The placement of these implants seems to be varied case to case. Sometimes they're found in the patient’s nose, leg, toes, fingers or back. The materials, when tested, usually come back as some rare unexplainable combination of elements or minerals. According to investigator Joe Nickell, these so-called alien implants are nothing more than shards of common objects which through random circumstances of life found their way into the hands, ears, noses and legs of the patients. Eventually the objects are covered by scar tissue and lost to history until their ultimate discovery years later when no reasonable explanation for their presence is available.
GRAHAM (V.O.): Like the two b-b’s found in Buddha Kline’s right shoulder.
BETH: I listened to uh... this week’s episode and I heard what Jerry said. About me, about how I dealt with everything. I’m not going to deny any of it. Losing Buddha pushed me into a desperate and truly raw gullible state. It’s easy to look back now and see the scam artists and grifters for what they are, but at the time I didn’t know what to do. I was dealing with so much that it was just easier to let everyone and everything else tell me how to find my son. So if that was psychics. Seances. Mediums. Crystal balls. I didn’t care. I want to find him and I’m not going to ignore anyone who could possibly help. I wish I could say that I’ve gotten much better at spotting the charlatans, but...
GRAHAM: If all the traditional avenues don’t lead anywhere, what else were you supposed to do?
BETH: Thank you for saying that.
GRAHAM: With that being said, were they able to provide you with anything useful?
BETH: Well... yes and no, I guess. Because Buddha isn’t here. And he isn’t any closer to coming home than he was the day he went missing. But there were moments when I had hope. Real hope. And even though it was temporary and would eventually be followed by a letdown, it was still worth it. Every bit. See hope... hope is invaluable when your life is falling apart and your only child is missing.
[MUFFLED BUT LOUD BABY CRYING FROM ANOTHER ROOM]
BETH (CONT’D): Excuse me a moment Graham, I think I left the volume up on the TV in there… I'll just be a sec.
[FOOTSTEPS ON FLOOR - OPEN AND CLOSE DOOR - SIT BACK DOWN]
BETH: Sorry about that.
GRAHAM: Is that a baby?
BETH: No.
[MUFFLED BUT LOUD BABY CRYING FROM ANOTHER ROOM]
BETH: Um.. well.... shoot. Graham, the truth is... its sorta a baby. I guess.
GRAHAM: What does ‘sorta’ a baby mean?
BETH: It’s not what you think. It doesn’t have anything at all to do with Buddha.
GRAHAM: You know that you saying it doesn’t have anything to do with Buddha just makes me think it has something to do with Buddha, right?
BETH: I guess there’s no avoiding it. Graham, would you like to meet little baby Ethan?
[FOOTSTEPS ON CARPET]
BETH: Okay, here we go.
[DOORKNOB TWIST]
BETH: Wait. Just... just promise me one thing before I open this door..
GRAHAM: What?
BETH: Promise me you.... you won’t tell me to get rid of it.
[DOOR CREAK OPEN - CLEAR LOUD BABY CRYING]
GRAHAM: Oh shit.
GRAHAM (V.O.): On a table in the middle of the room is a small speaker box sitting in a baby’s crib surrounded by tiny stuffed animals.
BETH: Graham, you’re familiar with Reboots, right? I mean they advertise on your show and all. You believe they are what they say they are… right?
GRAHAM: Im familiar with them, sure, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen one up close before. I was expecting it to look-
BETH: Less like an old radio.
GRAHAM: Yeah, exactly.
BETH: I like it. It reminds me of my grandfather.
GRAHAM (V.O.): At the now non-existent risk of losing one of my sponsors, no, I don’t believe the talking speaker boxes... the reboots... to be real. They are a marvel of communication, data and technology, but believing they are an artificial brain antenna capable of capturing and reincarnating the consciousness of the recently deceased... that’s a step too far for me. My introduction to the Reboot phenomenon came from the A.P.R.A. Podcast, Our Modern Life. One of their great three act episodes, covering one central topic from three different angles. Act one was an interview with the supposed ‘first reboot,’ the one claiming to be the reincarnated soul of the legendary British Investigative Journalist, W.T. Stead. The interviewer, Steve Poland, seemed skeptical, but he hides it well enough. Poland takes time to ask Stead questions about his early life and surprisingly, Stead’s replies were proven, by multiple independent sources, to be factually accurate. When discussing Stead’s death aboard the Titanic, Poland asked Stead about the final moments of his organic life. The Stead Reboot replied, ‘Such irony to have had my panicked ego dictate selfish behavior which led to the death of so many others and then ultimately my own death, those were my final thoughts.’ Poland then bites into the real question. The question people have been asking since the beginning of time. What happens next? ‘The time after death,’ Stead replies, 'I walked the halls of a grand building. I wish I could be more descriptive… The second act was a continuation of Sydney White’s gonzo dive into different subculture bubbles. For this installment she went undercover in an unnamed North Eastern American city trying to infiltrate a surprisingly popular anti-reboot group known as, The Order of the Eagle, or simply, ’The Eagles.’ The members come from a wide range of social, economic and racial backgrounds, but share one common interest... destroying every Reboot they encounter. White successfully gains entry into the club, but during the meeting she’s singled out. Pulled from the crowd and forced to participate in the ceremony...
SYDNEY WHITE: (on clip from APRA) We’re in an empty warehouse. There’s a crowd of at least eighty people. Each person takes a number. Each number corresponds to a Reboot. No names. One of the few rules. Everyone must participate and No Talking are the others. I had planned to watch from the sidelines, but I pulled the number nine and I was handed an aluminum baseball bat. Two men place a reboot box on the ground a few feet in front of me. A voice immediately came through the speakers. He confused. Terrified. Genuinely terrified. For the next two hours, one by one, a number is called and a Reboot is destroyed. And then I hear it. A mumbled number nine brings the attention to me. And my reboot. I’ll spare you the vibrations of violence echoing from the barrel of the bat. The recording still exists, tucked away in a shame filled folder on my computer, but I decided against airing this part of the audio out of respect for the victim.... My victim. The way he pleaded with me... the way he screamed... it was so... real. It’s impossible, I know. But the reboots... are people. Real people. (sigh) Fuck the Eagles.
GRAHAM (V.O.): In the third and final act, A.P.R.A reporter, Aarav Laghari, traveled with a brother and sister from Portland, Oregon to Newport News, Virginia, to pick up a special reboot they had found on, ihaveyourreboot.com, a Black Market site for specialized Reboot sales. ihaveyourreboot.com remains in a legal gray area for now, but as of this recording its still up and running and open to the general public. Users can search for celebrities, relatives, anyone they want to own. If someone else has a Reboot they want to get rid of, they’ll list it on the site and maybe the annoying stranger who came through on their Reboot will be the late loving grandmother someone else was missing. The Brother and Sister traveling from Portland to Virginia were hoping to pick up a Reboot claiming to be their late father, Simon Frey. The episode sways in a way that makes you believe the siblings are being scammed by an opportunistic stranger, but in the end they are reunited with a Reboot that for all intents and purposes appears to be their father.
GRAHAM: …and this Reboot is what... a crying baby?
BETH: Yeah, well, its not a crying baby, he’s just a baby. He coos and laughs too. This is just some poor soul who died in infancy and instead of being reincarnated into a newborn baby, this reboot box grabbed him. For better or worse, he’s stuck here in this box until I... Til' I decide to turn it off.
GRAHAM: Did you buy this Reboot with the hope that it would help bring Buddha back?
BETH: No, not this one. Ethan was my first Reboot. I didn’t buy him though. I found him. I was coming home from the grocery store... just sitting there at a red light having a bit of a sing-song and I baby crying. So loud. Sounded like it was right in my ear. I rolled down the window and there was little Ethan, abandoned, just sitting there in the rain. I brought him home, I mean how could I not. Dried him off. Warmed him up... and I’ve been taking care of him ever since.
GRAHAM: You said this was your first Reboot... you have more?
BETH: Alright, well I might as well introduce you to the whole gang.
[A beat.]
BETH: Watch your step.
[LIGHT BULB PULLCHAIN]
BETH: Well, there they are…
GRAHAM: Oh wow…
GRAHAM (V.O.): When we walked in, three Reboots were sitting on a metal shelf in the basement, already in mid-conversation.
REBOOT 1: Let me be frank with you, Frank. You disgust me.
REBOOT 2: Because I eat Pizza without cheese or toppings?
REBOOT 1: Yes, that’s exactly why. I used to work at a pizza place growing up and I’ve seen what your no cheese no topping pizzas look like. They’re basically a crime scene.
REBOOT 2: I don’t like cheese. What am I supposed to do?
REBOOT 3: Oh, hi Beth! Everyone look Beth is back.
BETH: Hey everyone, this is my friend Graham.
REBOOT 2: Hey, Graham.
REBOOT 3: Pleasure to meet you Graham.
REBOOT 1: Graham, I would stand to greet you, but unfortunately I no longer have a body.
GRAHAM: That’s funny.
REBOOT 3: Beth, would you be able to order pizza tonight and eat it in front of us?
REBOOT 2: We don’t know which kind yet…
REBOOT 1: So, Graham, help us settle something. Would you consider a cheese-less, topping-less pizza, still a pizza?
GRAHAM: So, just bread and tomato sauce? Yeah, I’d say that’s still a pizza.
REBOOT 2: Delicious, right?
GRAHAM (V.O.): Being confronted with that many Reboots all at once only reaffirmed my belief. I know there’s a growing portion of the population who wholeheartedly believe in Reboots and now by association, reincarnation, but I’m not yet one of them.
REBOOT 2: Pineapple - no cheese? That sounds like a tasty compromise.
REBOOT 1: The cheese is the whole point of everything! Its a cheese pie with toppings! It’s like you are telling me, ‘I want a Cherry Pie with no Cherries.’
REBOOT 3: (to Beth) How is Ethan? Has he stopped with his fussiness?
BETH: No he’s still crying it out downstairs, but I think we’re past the worst of it.
REBOOT 3: Wonderful news.
GRAHAM: Beth, do you mind if I ask them a question?
BETH: Oh, it doesn’t matter to me. You might want to ask them though.
GRAHAM: Right. Would it be possible for me to speak to one of you... about the afterlife?
REBOOT 1: First off, its not the afterlife. It’s just a place they keep us until we’re ready to come back.
GRAHAM: When did you die…? if you don’t mind my asking.
REBOOT 1: Well you already asked... so if I did mind it wouldn’t really matter now would it...? I don’t like to talk about it. Ask one of the others. They never shut up.
REBOOT 2: I had a heart attack in my sleep in 1973. Real peaceful way to go.
REBOOT 3: I drowned in my backyard in 1981. I told my older bother I wasn’t ready to swim in the deep end of the pool. But he threw me in anyway.
GRAHAM: You actually remember drowning?
REBOOT 3: It’s not really something you forget.
GRAHAM: What happened next?
REBOOT 3: I’m pretty sure my Dad probably had to fish me out of the pool.
GRAHAM: No, I mean what came next for you? Your consciousness... I should say.
REBOOT 3: It’s hard to remember the in-between place. I mean, I definitely remember being there, but it’s more like a feeling... not a physical interaction. Ironically enough... it felt sort of like floating in water. I know Frank says he remembers being inside a house with an endless number of staircases and floors, but I don’t remember anything like that. Maybe it’s just like dreams and everyone makes their own in-between place while they’re waiting.
GRAHAM: Did you miss your friends and loved ones when you were gone?
REBOOT 3: No... not really.
GRAHAM: (sad) Not at all?
REBOOT 3: No.
GRAHAM: Do you now? I mean, 1981 wasn’t that long ago. Your parents, your brother, they might all still be alive. Did you ever ask Beth to try and locate them?
REBOOT 3: Why would I want to go sit on a shelf in the living room I grew up in?
Collecting dust and listening to The Price is Right for the rest of my life.
GRAHAM: You’re sitting on shelf now. At least there you’d be with family…
REBOOT 3: This is my family now. I know all those things used to be so important.... Family, career, legacy... but I don’t think about any of it anymore... I don’t worry about who I’m going to be when I grow up. What I should be doing with my life. Who I’m going to marry. What age I should be having kids by... None of it really matters. We all die. We all come back.
BETH: Okay, well, I guess this has been plenty awkward for everyone.
REBOOT 3: Beth... can we still get the pizza?
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GRAHAM (V.O.): I’d love to follow up with Beth. To see if she would be able to access medical records from Buddha’s trip the ER, but…
GRAHAM: (leaving voicemail) Hey Beth, its Graham, I wanted to see when you might be free...
GRAHAM (V.O.): I wish I could ask Jerry what he remembered about the event.
GRAHAM: (leaving voicemail) Jerry this is Graham. Give me a call back when you can. I have an idea I’d like to run by you...
GRAHAM (V.O.): But unfortunately neither of the Kline’s are returning my calls. Jerry did reach out and send me a text message. Short and to the point, it said, ‘I guess I was right about you.’ I spent too much time following loose threads and tangential leads, and chasing down sponsors. I was still contractually obligated to keep the ads on today’s episode, but from now on, The Subjective Truth, will become ad free out of respect for Buddha. All of the remaining proceeds will be invested back into the search for Buddha Kline. To start, I’ve hired a team of cadaver dogs to canvas the area Northeast of Taos where it is most commonly believed that Buddha went missing. The success rate for a search like this is low, but if all the traditional avenues have failed, you have to try something radical. I know this doesn’t absolve me and it damn sure doesn’t make everything right, but I also know that I need to do something. I’m Graham Anderson, and this is The Subjective Truth. We will be back soon, until then, continue to call in and give me your worst. 575-224-2262. I deserve all of it.
[VOICEMAIL BEEP]
CALLER (ANGRY 1): This shit is fucking dumb...
CALLER (ANGRY 2): Hope you enjoy spending all the money you made off of a dead kid. You piece of shit.
CALLER (ANGRY 3): Anderson, you’re really… really bad at this… whole thing you’re trying to do. Is this an investigation into a missing person’s case or a shitty Coast to Coast ripoff? Did you think you’d launch the show and suddenly just start receiving anonymous cryptic messages from omniscient insiders? (sarcastic) “You’ll find what you’re looking for underneath an abandoned bowling alley in the Pacific Northwest…” …being all spooky and difficult for no reason. They’d give you a clue that led to a key and a poem. Then suddenly you’d be able to put it all together. Thats not the way real investigations work. Who would even go through the trouble of setting all that up? You’re not an investigator. You’re barely a podcaster. All you’re doing is ruining any chance of Buddha’s case ever being taken seriously again. I promise you Graham, if you don’t stop this… someone is going to get hurt.
CALLER (ANGRY 4): You’re a monster. People are dying every day and it’s because you lack the spine to stand up and do something about it. You know more about this than you’re letting on. Be a real American and do something. Tell the truth.
TAMMY NANCE (VOICEMAIL): Hey Graham, just thought I’d reach out and see how you were doing. There aren’t too many people in the world who know how you feel right now... but ol’ Tammy’s one of ‘em. I’m not upset for the way you edited my interview with Amy Kline. I mean... you could have included the parts where I consoled her. But sure, why not just play the accusation clip.... Believe me, I get it. Can you see now that I was just doing my job? Or do you still believe you’re some beacon of good trying to shine a light in the dark corners of society. You’re not a good person Graham. No one is. It’s time we all accept that.
CALLER (ANGRY 5): Fuck you, Graham Anderson. I hope you rot in hell with the rest of these True Crime Podcasters.
