GRAHAM: Patterns. I’m not sure who originally said it, but there’s this quote I once heard that went something like, 'Once there are enough dots on the board, everyone can pick out their own pattern.’ Today on the show, I’d like to take a step back and examine some of these proposed dots and patterns as they pertain to the Buddha Kline disappearance. All the answers to the question of: What Happened to Buddha Kline? Theory Number One. Occam’s Razor. The most logical answer is probably the correct one. Despite all of the high strangeness surrounding the case, the truth is most likely that Buddha injured himself or became trapped somewhere and died from exposure or dehydration. But if this were the case, wouldn’t some trace of him have been found during the search or in the time since?
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CALLER (ANIMALS): As much as I’d love to believe it was something crazier, after hearing everything that happened, I think he was attacked by some wild animal. Like a bear or mountain lion or something. It’d be a messed up way to go for sure, but he wouldn’t the first.
GRAHAM: If Buddha had been attacked by a wild animal he should have still been within range of Amy hearing the commotion. During the initial search this was one of the working theories, but no blood or torn clothing or any other signs of a struggle were ever found. It does, however, remain the most likely scenario for Buddha’s sudden disappearance.
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CALLER (SWIMMER): I read online that Buddha couldn’t swim. This seems like a simple open and closed situation. The guy can’t swim, he falls in the same water system that Amy does and bam he doesn’t get as lucky as she did. Bam. Game over.
GRAHAM: This is another of those misinformation tidbits that somehow find their way in and then never leave. Buddha could swim. I couldn’t trace back the claims of his being unable to, so I’m not sure how that rumor was started. This of course doesn’t rule out the possible drowning, but I wanted to take the time to clarify that often misreported fact. Theory Number Two: It’s all a Hoax.
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CALLER (HOAX): You idiots. None of this is real. These two are going to be sitting across from Dr. Phil in a couple months trying to hock some terrible books. “My Fake Ass Space Trip With the Star Brothers" by Buddha Kline. Or, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting... An Alien Baby" by Amy Kline.
GRAHAM: The ‘It’s a Hoax’ response is almost reflexive to any story that mentions UFOs, Aliens or anything Strange... But after speaking with Amy and Buddha’s family and others surrounding the case, it’s hard for me to believe that any of this was a hoax. And if it was, what’s the point of keeping it going now. Wouldn’t the time to return and cash in have already come and gone? Theory Number Three: Buddha left intentionally to start a new life.
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CALLER (LEFT HER): This may not be what Amy wants to hear, but I think Buddha used the New Mexico trip as cover to leave her for another woman. He probably slipped away during the storm and had his mistress waiting for him back on the highway with a change of clothes and a brand new life. Lots of guys do stuff like that. Just sayin'.
GRAHAM: Theory Number Four, Amy the Killer. I feel bad even discussing this theory because I don’t believe she would ever do something like this, but since it is a prevailing theory regarding the case, it must be part of our discussion.
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CALLER (FUNNIE THEORY): Something that’s always sat a little uneasy with me and this whole thing is that guy that Amy and Buddha talked to right before he disappeared. The Doug Funnie guy. The way I see it, the dude’s already using an alias. One that Amy knew Buddha would respond to. A name that would distract him and cause him let his guard down. So long story short, I think Amy wanted to get rid of Buddha, cash in on some life insurance money and she got this guy Doug Funnie or whoever he really is, to help her do it and get rid of the body. Ever wonder why the tape stops right after he shows up? I sure have.
GRAHAM: The theories sometimes break apart and splinter into tiny strange slivers of fringe.
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CALLER (NORDIC ALIENS): Buddha was abducted by blonde nordic aliens. Beautiful men. I know because I was there too.
GRAHAM: Many times venturing far off the point...
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CALLER (JFK): Geneva White killed JFK. She was working with her husband Roscoe, the patsy Lee Harvey Oswald and her former boss, Jack Ruby. They knew that in the chaos no one would be looking for a woman shooter. And it worked. Even in the decades since, has anyone ever even hinted at the trigger man really being a trigger woman?
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CALLER (HIDEBEHINDS): Graham, just remember... If you start staring into the void, it’ll stare back at you. Peekers. Hidebehinds. Call them whatever you want. This is all a game to them. A game you do not want to play.
GRAHAM: Well, you’ve given me a lot to think about and made me sufficiently paranoid. But please... do keep calling. I feel like maybe there’s a chance you aren’t all crazy and you’re trying to tell us something. Something we just can’t understand yet.
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CALLER (REMOTE VIEWING): I took part in a remote viewing project in the early seventies with some hand selected promising young candidates. It involved me, Andrew Basiago, Andrew Burkhardt and one Mr. Barry Obama.
GRAHAM: Or maybe not.
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CALLER (DARRYL FROM LUBBOCK): Hey yeah this is Darryl from Lubbock. I know this is gonna sound insane, but stay with me here, Do you think there’s a chance Buddha could’ve been kidnapped and eaten alive by The Garys? It’s not as crazy as it sounds. I’m pretty sure the second Gary’s Big Game was opened in Northeastern New Mexico. Think about it, y'all. Think about it.
GRAHAM: The Garys, the caller is referring to, are a radical group of people who’ve become the epicenter of the artificial meat debate. Gary’s Big Game was a small chain restaurant specializing in exotic, and formerly unattainable meats. Gary’s was able to provide these guilt free delights with the help of modern science. Giraffe Burgers. Rhino Bacon. Dog Biscuits. You get the idea. But the dish that became a sensation, a scandal and a national debate, was The Long Pulled Pork Sandwich. For those of you who don’t subscribe to cannibal facts, Long Pork is a term used for Human Meat. Ever wonder what people taste like? Me neither... But apparently many, many people did. And I have to think that some others simply didn’t understand what they were ordering when they ordered The Long Pulled Pork Sandwich. But supposedly, the dish was as addictive as it was delicious. Once you had a taste you were hooked. Gary’s Big Game could barely keep up with the demand and would often run out before Noon. The legality of this taboo dish became a hotly contested topic of conversation in the United States. Personal Freedoms vs Human Decency. A federal ban was placed on any and all artificial replications of human meat. Despite being pushed underground, the dish continues to flourish and attract new ‘Garys’. But, as demand continues to grow, the ability to create enough product to match the demand is severely hampered by the legal consequences of making or selling said product. This has led to widespread speculation and rumors that certain organic substitutions have been made. Or in other words, actual people were being eaten by The Garys to satisfy their cravings. While it in no way confirms these wild claims, it is interesting to note that all five of the cities where Gary’s Big Game operated: Lubbock, Tulsa, El Paso, Albuquerque, and Taos, have all had recent spikes in missing persons cases since the restaurant’s closing in October 2019. Buddha Kline is included in that number. If you have information, theories or ideas of what might've happened to Buddha Kline. Please give us a call at [REDACTED].
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MORGAN PRUITT: (voicemail) Hello, this is Morgan Pruitt. (long pause) I’m Buddha Kline’s biological mother. Giving him up for adoption wasn’t an easy decision. I was scared for my life. I wasn’t sure how to protect my child. Or myself. So, selfishly, I just ran away from the problems and turned him over to the state. I was a young 16 year old girl when the nightly visitations began. I would be greeted by a bright glowing light pulsating in my room. Without even so much as sitting up I would be pulled from my bed. The blankets sliding off of me as I floated up into the air. I reached out to stop myself at the ceiling, but like a ghost, I passed straight through it. And then I was looking up at the stars. I remember thinking... how beautiful and vibrant they were that night. The next thing I knew... I was aboard their ship. I heard whispering in my ear. Very soft, but very fast and scattered. I... didn’t understand any of it. I felt a deep pinch and pressure move up my thighs. And then in my stomach. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t function. I wasn’t strapped down, but I couldn’t move. There were three of them standing over me. I looked up into their large dark eyes. I saw my frozen face staring back at me. And some point I passed out and when I woke up I was back home in my bed. Seven and a half months later, a premature Buddha was cut out of me. Of course, I didn’t call name him Buddha. I called him Eddie. After, ya know, Eddie Vedder. The visitors came back to see me again a few times after he was born. They pulled us both back up into their ship. Poked and prodded us. They were planning to take him and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop them. So I gave little Eddie away. Thought he’d be safe. Thought maybe they wouldn’t be able to find him.
