GRAHAM (V.O.): Amy Kline has taken a massive leap of faith and entrusted me with a dozen micro-cassette tapes. Scattered recordings of the couple’s time in New Mexico. The complete audio clocks in at just over eight hours, so for the sake of time, edits have been made. And I assure you, to my knowledge, not a single second of this has been doctored or changed to misrepresent the events that occurred outside Taos, New Mexico, from June 6th to June 14th of 2020. So without further delay...
[TAPE DECK CLOSING. CLICK OF A PLAY BUTTON]
[CAR STEREO PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND]
BUDDHA: It’s ready to record. Did you want to do a few talking points for the show? I think it would make for a good segment.
AMY: I don't really feel like talking right now.
BUDDHA: (in mic) Welcome back everyone. We are currently en route. I know so many of you hate me for always saying this, but I can’t wait to get to my personal favorite search point, Agua Fria Peak aka Where Warm Waters Halt. Sometimes the simplest solve is the best solve.
AMY: Really Buddha I don’t feel like it.
BUDDHA: Come on. Just a couple of minutes. We’ll be thankful we have the audio when it comes time to put together the episodes.
AMY: Ugh. Fine. Whatever.
BUDDHA: Fuck it. Never mind. Sorry for—
[[TAPE CLICKS. DENOTE TIME CHANGE]
AMY: We’ll have plenty of time to record audio when we get there. I don’t want to worry about all that right now.
BUDDHA: Somehow, it’s always right now until it’s later.
AMY: Buddha, stop. (Laugh) You’re too old to still be quoting children’s movies.
BUDDHA: It’s an ageless classic.
AMY: I don’t think that means what you think it means.
[TAPE CLICKS. DENOTE TIME CHANGE]
We skip forward again to find Amy listening to another podcast. Windfall.
[MUSIC: Windfall Theme Song.]
AMY: (excited) Boody, wake up! Wake up, Boody, now. Wake up!
AMY: I can’t stand the sound of.. us, right now. Singing nonsense songs together in the car, that was, really, really, us. We were goofy best friends before anything else. I’m sorry, I'm not sure I’m ready for what I’ve signed up for.
GRAHAM: Do you need a moment?
AMY: (overcome with sadness) No, it’s okay. It’s just.... It’s so surreal to hear us talking. Recently I think I’ve come to a good place with everything and... kinda accepted that he’s gone. I want to find him, but I’m not naive. I know finding him doesn’t mean finding him. It means finding his body. I... I.. I don’t know. Let’s just keep going. We need to do this. I need to do this. Buddha deserves as much.
GRAHAM (V.O.): Buddha planned to start a wide ranging search area based upon Agua Fria Peak because he believed it to be the place where “Where Warm Waters Halt.” What he’s referring to is a line in Forrest Fenn’s poem. According to Fenn, hidden within the poem are nine clues. Which lines are the clues and which lines are the red herrings and misdirections? Fenn himself has offered a few additional clues in follow up interviews. The treasure is hidden five thousand or more feet about sea level. It is not hidden in a graveyard or outhouse. The treasure is in no way associated with any man-made structure. It’s located somewhere between eight and half miles north of Santa Fe and south of the Canadian border, in one of the following four states: Wyoming, Colorado, Montana or New Mexico. Everything else you need to know is in the poem. And it’s a short poem. Nine Clues. Should be easy to spot them, right?
GRAHAM (V.O.): (read with poetic meter) As I have gone alone in there and with my treasures bold, I can keep my secret where, and hint of riches new and old. Begin it where warm waters halt and take it in the canyon down. Not far, but too far to walk. Put in below the home of Brown. From there it's no place for the meek, The end is ever drawing nigh; There'll be no paddle up your creek, Just heavy loads and water high. If you've been wise and found the blaze, Look quickly down, your quest to cease, But tarry scant with marvel gaze, Just take the chest and go in peace..
GRAHAM (V.O.): From Agua Fria Peak you can ‘take the canyon down’ east following the Santa Fe river into the Carson National Forest. This was the planned area where the pair would begin their search. The key would be finding, The Home of Brown.
[CLIP OF BUDDHA & AMY FROM THEIR OLD POCAST]
BUDDHA: What really trips me up and I think it’s something that trips up a lot of Hunters out there, is the phrase, ‘The Home of Brown.’ What could it mean? Brown bears? Brown Trout?
AMY: I know you’ve been struggling with this part of the poem, so I wanted to help you. I did some independent research and I think I’ve made a breakthrough. It’s all about the anagrams, baby.
BUDDHA: Let’s hear it.
AMY: So in the poem, Forrest tells us, “Put In Below The Home Of Brown.” It’s really two pieces. ‘Put In Below’ and ‘Home Of Brown’.
BUDDHA: Real groundbreaking stuff.
AMY: Just be patient. So, first Put in Below becomes “Pueblo Twin” or “Lube Tip Now” or ready for this one... “Bowel Input”
BUDDHA: Oh no, (laughs) is this why you were laughing so much last night?
AMY: Yep, and I’m not done yet. The Home of Brown becomes ‘Behemoth For Now’ or ‘Be When Roof Moth’
BUDDHA: Aww shit, Mothman making a cameo.
AMY: I knew you were going to say that. Look at my notes. It says, pause for Buddha to make a Mothman joke. Here, really, look for yourself.
BUDDHA: Shit... you weren’t joking...
AMY: Where was I? Oh, right. The Home of Brown can also become ‘Hebrew Font Homo’ which sounds vaguely offensive. Or my personal favorite, ‘Be Whore of Month.’ So with a little bit of stitching, “Put in Below The Home of Brown,” becomes, “Lube Tip Now Be Whore Of Month!” Forrest! What secrets are you really hiding?
W.T. STEAD: I would ask you to consider whether or not there is any proof that your personality will persist after death. I proceed to ask what kind of evidence can be produced to justify the acceptance of a belief in the persistence of personality after death, not as a mere hypothesis, but as an ascertained and demonstrable fact. The proof of life after death has arrived.... While attempting to create a synthetic replica of the human brain, Japanese Neuroscientist, Dr. Kato Ryouta made the greatest discovery in the history of mankind... Me. I’m WT Stead. I died on April 15, 1912, aboard the Titanic. One hundred and six years later in 2018, Dr. Ryouta, brought me back from the dead. He rebooted my consciousness, if you will. With the simple turn of a knob... you can bring them back too.
AMY: Are you sure it will be safe if we park here?
BUDDHA: Yeah, totally. I doubt we even see anyone else. Just three short days sleeping out in the trees.
AMY: Wait, I forgot my coffee.
BUDDHA: Nope. I got it. Here you go.
AMY: Ah, a lifesaver as always, Boody.
BUDDHA: And speaking of lifesaver, let’s just go over a few ground rules. Remember, people have died doing this.
CAMPING VIDEO NARRATOR: Before you go camping there are a few things you need to keep in mind. Always prod the brush before you step out into it. You never know what could be waiting for you. Pick up after yourself and especially... don’t litter. Not a single trace of you should be left behind...
AMY (IN STUDIO): I really thought it would be a fun little adventure we were having together. Taos was beautiful...
TAOS DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR (V.O.): A small art community of around six thousand people, Taos is hidden in North-Central New Mexico amongst the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, the Carson National Forest, the Santa Fe National Forest and miles of undeveloped high desert. For almost two hundred years this strange little town has been a mecca for the eccentric and weird outcasts oF America. Those wanting to escape the confines of society flocked to Taos for its inspirational beauty and for its protective seclusion.
GRAHAM (IN STUDIO): How long was it before you started to hear the hum?
AMY (IN STUDIO): It’s hard to say. Time got... a little weird while we were out there.
GRAHAM (V.O.): The Taos Hum is an auditory phenomenon experienced by roughly two percent of people who visit or live in the region. It’s often been described as sounding much like an idling diesel engine. A whirring. A soft consistent buzz. Others say that the hum is nothing. That it doesn’t exist. And it’s all in the head of the listener.
[SOFT VIBRATIONS OF 'THE HUM’]
BUDDHA: Look over there. That cave looks like a good spot.
AMY: Ugh... so far away.
BUDDHA: Trust me. I can feel it.
AMY: Oh, you can feel it this time?
BUDDHA: Just come on.
AMY (IN STUDIO V.O.): Buddha was obsessed with caves. He thought that since Fenn said the treasure could survive for thousands of years, but he didn’t bury it, then a cave would be the only other logical solution.
AMY: I don't know about this, Boody.
BUDDHA: Just give me your flashlight.
AMY: My brave little toaster.
BUDDHA: Ahh... Umm... Nope. Nope. Not really much in here. Come on in though, Amy, its nice and cool in here.
AMY: Oh my god what is that? Some sort of bug, I hope.
BUDDHA: Check it out. I’m pretty sure we can squeeze through.
AMY: Again, you’re saying an eighty year old man did this.
BUDDHA: Chuck Norris is like seventy-eight years old. I think you’re underestimating what an active old man could have been capable of doing.
AMY: Fine. But if I see one more spider. I'm dunzo.
BUDDHA: Just come on.
AMY (IN STUDIO V.O.): He found a second opening in the cave. It was just barely wide enough for each of us to get through. It was strange, for such a small entrance, the cavern we were in was pretty spacious. It was when Buddha shouted...
BUDDHA: Echo!
AMY: (IN STUDIO v.o.):… that I started to hear the Hum.
[LOW FREQUENCY RUMBLING HUM]
AMY: What was that?
BUDDHA: Probably just a Magpie. It’s nothing.
AMY (in studio.) : By the time we made it back to camp all of the nervous energy had completely burned off. The treasure hunting wasn’t exciting anymore. It was just depressing and demoralizing. And boring. So fucking boring. But of course, I couldn’t say that. I tried to remain positive. I could see that Buddha felt like he was failing at his dream. It reminded me of back when he wanted to be a novelist. He spent nights excitedly outlining dozens of projects, but never writing or completing any of them. When it came time to execute he just seemed to drown in the expectations he had set out for himself. He was never as important as he thought he was supposed to be. It’s funny now that his name is so well known. I hope somehow, wherever he is, he’s able to see how important he’s become.
[TAPE CLICK, CAMPFIRE]
AMY: Awesome fire, Buddha. Great job, really.
BUDDHA: Yeah, I’ve always been good at getting a fire going.
AMY (in studio): At some point I woke up to the sound of... whispering. Not outside the tent. It sounded like someone was whispering directly into my right ear. It wasn’t words...really... it was more like gibberish or like someone speaking quick and soft in a language I’d never heard before. I wanted to scream, to jump up and run out of the tent, but I couldn’t move. I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t even open my eyes. Then just as suddenly as it came, snap, it’s all gone. Just like that. I shoot up and my heart is pounding. Im pouring sweat and Buddha is asking me what’s wrong. I tried to describe it, but I don’t think I did a very good job. The next day was more of the same. Failed searches. Creepy caves. Buddha being passive aggressive. Bugs, bugs and more bugs. As night rolled in, the hum came back. It seemed to bring with it this overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I couldn’t shake it off. I want to say that it felt like someone was following us, but I think that might just be my mind retroactively changing memories since now I know someone was following us. I remember saying something to Buddha like...
[FOOTSTEPS ON TRAIL]
AMY: I feel weirded out right now.
[STRANGE ANIMAL NOISE]
AMY: Oh, come on what was that?
BUDDHA: Not this again.... You’re freaking yourself out for no reason.
AMY: I know. Sorry. I'm just...
BUDDHA: Amy, it’s nature. There are going to be random noises. Squeaks, squawks and screams all that shit. Stop being so jumpy. If you’re anxious then it's going to make me anxious.
AMY: You don't think it could be a bear, right?
BUDDHA: (annoyed) Sure. Maybe.
AMY (in studio): We finished dinner, put everything away and as a surprise for me, Buddha made s’mores. We laid out and looked up at all the stars. We didn’t know any of the constellations, so we were just making up names for what we could put together.... Dancing Zebra with One Stripe. And Fiddler on the Roof, but off broadway. (pause) and.... (pause) out of nowhere this deep vibration surrounds us. It’s really hard to describe. It wasn’t loud and booming... it was deep and quiet and enveloping. I felt as if I were shivering... It only lasted for maybe five... Six seconds. And then we saw it.
GRAHAM (V.O.): This is where everything gets a little... tilted. The details of the next few hours have been relived and dissected in conversations throughout the internet, but up until now all anyone has had to go on are the claims Amy made during the infamous Tammy Nance interview. Unfortunately, what follows isn’t definitive evidence, but it is substantially more concrete than anything else we’ve had up to this point.
[TAPE CLICK]
BUDDHA: What about this little cluster of stars?
AMY: Which ones?
BUDDHA: There.. The bright ones and the two next to it and the one above it.
AMY: What do you call that one?
BUDDHA: Based upon its bend, that one is obviously a depiction of a dragon’s tail. Represen—
[VIBRATION NOISE PLAYS FOR SIX SECONDS]
AMY: Holy shit. What... what...
BUDDHA: Where’s my fucking phone? Shit. Shit. Shit. Get a picture. Hurry.
AMY: I.. I...
BUDDHA: Fuck. Too late...
AMY: Did we just see a UFO?
BUDDHA: I think we did... (manic laugh)
AMY: Are you still recording?
[TAPE CLICK]
AMY (in studio): When I saw it my brain took a few moments trying to decide if what I saw was normal or well... Okay, it was shaped like a saucer (sigh) and I know how stupid that sounds, but it’s what it looked like for sure. I don’t really know how to describe it and I honestly can’t believe I’m even talking about this stuff again. Last time I told anyone this story I pretty much labeled myself as a UFO kook, a killer, and a gold digger. I ruined my life the last time I opened my mouth. So... like I said Graham. I’m trusting you.
[MUSIC: OUTRO MUSIC]
GRAHAM: Before we go I wanted to thank everyone who called our tip line. Nothing is too weird. Nothing is too trivial. And please, if you know anything about the disappearance of Buddha Kline, give us a call at [REDACTED]
[VOICEMAIL BEEP]
CALLER (CONNECTICUT): I’ve been following the Kline disappearance for years and I believe I’ve pinpointed his whereabouts to a small town in Connecticut.
CALLER (CO-WORKER): I saw the picture up on the website and I swear I work with a guy who looks just like Buddha. Names Ted though, so I don’t know. Maybe yall can look into it. l
CALLER (WYOMING): You people need to catch up. The treasure is in Wyoming. I’m just too broke to go search for it myself.
CALLER (MOONBASE): Graham, I have some very important information for you. Buddha Kline is not dead. He’s not missing. And he’s not in New Mexico. He’s living in a secret base inside the moon. I know because I’ve been there.
GRAHAM (V.O.): We’ll be back soon with more of The Subjective Truth. Until then, stay safe and don’t become a story.
