INT./EXT. CHRYSLER - SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - FLASHBACK
The 1990s. A YOUNG RANDY sits next to his sister in the backseat of an old Chrysler. We hear the quiet rumbles of the road. No radio.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Randy and Karen Dunning spent their childhood riding in the back of a tan 1984 Chrysler Fifth Avenue. From State to State, neighborhood to neighborhood, their mother Rosemary Dunning would go searching for the next area she was meant to save… Usually this meant towns like Nothing, Arizona but today… the magnetic pull had drawn Rosemary Dunning to Orlando, Florida…
ROSEMARY: Hey kids, this looks like a good neighborhood, right? Lots of two car garages… you know what that means…
YOUNG RANDY: Oh yeah. Definitely.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Randy had no clue what that meant. But he was in Orlando freakin’ Florida and to him that’s all that mattered.
ROSEMARY: Eleven-Eleven Narrative Lane… that’s gotta be it. Yeah.. yeah..
Rosemary pulls the car over and parks.
ROSEMARY: You two stay in the car and be quiet.
YOUNG RANDY: When are we going to eat? I’m hungry.
ROSEMARY: Here I packed potted meat sandwiches.
YOUNG RANDY: I don’t want potted meat.
ROSEMARY: We don’t judge the feast we’re given. We eat. And we smile. Right, Karen?
YOUNG KAREN: Right.
ROSEMARY: See? Your sister doesn’t complain about the food she’s been offered.
YOUNG RANDY: Because she eats her Boogers.
YOUNG KAREN: I don’t eat my Boogers.
YOUNG RANDY: You do too.
Randy and Karen shove each other.
ROSEMARY: Enough. Now shut up. Stay in the car. And if you hear my signal then hustle up to the door and look presentable when you do.
NARRATOR (V.O.): The signal was simple. Two short whistles for Karen. One long whistle for Randy.
EXT. SUBURBAN FRONT YARD Rosemary Dunning straightens up her hair and clothes as she crosses the front yard. She KNOCKS at the door.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Rosemary Dunning is what was once known as a Mesmerist. A Magnetizer. A Bullshit artist. Though, unfortunately, in Rosemary’s case she believed her own bullshit. She believed in her art.
Rosemary KNOCKS again. HOUSEWIFE answers the door.
ROSEMARY: Well, hey there, my name is Rosemary Dunning and I’m with the Mesmeric Salvation Society. Would you have a moment to talk?
INT. BACKSEAT OF CHRYSLER - PARKED - SIMULTANEOUS
Randy squeezes through the front seats and turns the RADIO on.
YOUNG KAREN: What are you doing? We’re gonna get in trouble?
YOUNG RANDY: We’re always in trouble.
YOUNG KAREN peeks out the window watching her Mother.
Randy twists the knob of the old Car Stereo searching for good music.
YOUNG RANDY: What the frick? I thought this was Orlando. Where’s the good music? Where my jams, man?
AD COPY ON RADIO: Are you a child between the ages of six and sixteen who dreams of Stardom? Come on down to Universal Studios where we’re having a—-
YOUNG KAREN: Turn it off. Mom’s gonna get mad. I don’t want her to yell again.
Randy finds a Radio Station he likes… and we sit with the song for a moment. Randy sings along with it.
YOUNG RANDY: See… it's cool.
YOUNG KAREN: Car!
BOTH: Ah!
NARRATOR (V.O.): A car approaches from behind… Karen and Randy both duck down and huddle together face to face in the floorboards.
YOUNG RANDY: (whisper to Karen) Probably the Feds.
YOUNG KAREN: It’s clear.
YOUNG RANDY: Ooooh. Check it out. Look what I found.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Randy pulls up a handful of change. Over a dollar’s worth of quarters, nickels and dimes.
YOUNG KAREN: Whoa.
YOUNG RANDY: Don’t say anything—
The Car Door Opens. Both Karen and Randy Shriek. Randy quickly pockets the change. Rosemary slinks down into the carseat with a sigh. Then she notices that the radio is on… and its playing music…. Rosemary turns to her children in the backseat.
ROSEMARY: Why is this on?
YOUNG RANDY: I don’t know. It just came on by itself.
YOUNG KAREN: Randy turned it on. Said he was looking for the Orlando Jams.
ROSEMARY: Orlando Jams? Is this true, Randrew?
Randy doesn’t say anything.
ROSEMARY: Answer me.
YOUNG RANDY: I… I just wanted to listen to—
ROSEMARY: Enough. Do not touch this radio again. The last time I let you listen to the Radio your sister had nightmares about how Michael Dukakis was going to drink her blood. There’s nothing good on the radio. Nothing.
[INTRO THEME}
NARRATOR (V.O.): Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason. IN Beautiful Orlando, Florida.
INT/EXT. DUNNING-KRUGER HOME - PRESENT Karen KNOCKS on the front door. Randy is on the other side glaring through the peephole.
RANDY: What’s the Password?
KAREN: I’m not in the mood for your bullshit, Randy. Open the door.
Door opens.
RANDY: What?
KAREN: Do you really have a freakin’ Freemason in your basement?
RANDY: Depends? You trying to get some grout work done?
KAREN: Mike was in the bathroom at Conspiracy Con. He heard everything. We thought you were just lying to Newsham to make yourself look cooler.
RANDY: Doug Newsham is a CIA plant.
KAREN: No! Shut your mouth.
RANDY: He is.
KAREN: Doug Newsham is dead, Randy. Don’t you dare insult that man. Not today.
RANDY: Fuck Newsh—
Karen lunges at Randy. Slapping him in the face and pushing him up against the FRONT DOOR. Randy reaches for his Cattleprod.
RANDY: Don’t touch me. Stop it. Stop it. (Beat) I’m packing heat right now and I’ll…
KAREN: You’ll what…
Karen just takes the CATTLEPROD from him.
KAREN: My Cattleprod now.
KAREN acts like she’s going to shock Randy.
RANDY: Ow! What the——
KAREN: I didn’t even shock you.
RANDY: You got really close. And you can’t just take my shit…
KAREN: The fuck I can’t.
The Neighbor AMEENA comes out onto her porch.
AMEENA: Everything okay over there?
RANDY: Yeah, we’re good.
KAREN: Just making a movie.
AMEENA: (skeptical but polite) Okay. Y’all have fun now. (under breath) I knew his triflin’ ass was up to something. Gayle’s gonna be hearing about this…
RANDY: Come in. Damn. My face is probably all red and shit.
KAREN: Because you’re embarrassed.
RANDY: No. It’s because You just sucker-punched me.
KAREN: Sucker slapped maybe. If I sucker-punched you you’d be dead right now.
SOUNDS | FRONT DOOR CLOSE
KAREN and RANDY enter the Dunning-Kruger home.
KAREN: Gayle, if you’re planning on jumping out with a Scream mask on just know that that movie doesn’t scare me anymore. (beat) Where is she?
RANDY: How should I know?
KAREN: She’s your wife.
RANDY: Just because she’s my wife I’m supposed to, what, put a tracking device in her skull or something?
KAREN: (very frustrated) Oh. My God. How are you still so annoying? I should’ve killed you back at Walker Texas Ranger Camp when I had the chance.
RANDY: I was fake sleeping. You never really had a chance.
KAREN: Well, I’ve got one now don’t I?
Karen ignites the cattleprod.
RANDY: So, that’s it, huh. You’re really going to kill your own brother? Your own blood.
KAREN: Ha! I had all my blood changed out years ago. There’s not a single drop of Dunning left in my DNA.
RANDY: Here’s some… (spits at her)
KAREN shrieks just like a sister who got spit on.
KAREN: Oh my God. You disgusting little piece of shit. I can’t believe you just—-
RANDY: You were going to shock me.
KAREN: Oh, shut up. You know I wasn’t going to shock you. So where is he? Where’s the Freemason?
RANDY: Fuck off, Karen. Stop trying to steal everything from me! Every time I do anything you show up and try to ruin it. I’ve never done anything to you.
KAREN: You’ve never done anything to me? Fuck you, Randy. I’m not stupid. Okay. I know its you always trying to drag me down and attack my videos. AlphaSwagLad, BiteMyButt03… KarenDunningHater One through Six. I mean come on… Get a new naming convention, asshole.
RANDY: (guilty & sad) Kay-kay—
KAREN: Don’t you fucking call me that… Don’t. (beat) (upset) So, what? We’re family now? Well, if I’m Kay-Kay, if I’m your family… then why are you trying to sabotage me?
NARRATOR (V.O.): Karen pauses and gives Randy a moment to deny it. To refute the slander and proclaim his innocence. Randy says nothing and in doing so he says everything.
KAREN: You’re not the only one who didn’t come from shit. Who didn’t have shit growing up. You’re not the only one who got fucked over by the world. I was right there with you in the backseat of the Chrysler every fucking day, Randy. Every fucking day. And it wasn’t any easier for me.
RANDY: You don’t understand what’s like to grow up in the shadow of your big stupid tree. Did you really have to be good at everything you tried!? I’ve never been talented at anything. Anything! And finally I found something. Something I was actually good at… and once again here comes Karen. (beat) You try half as hard and get twice the attention. No one knows my name, but you get mentioned alongside Mark Sargent and Flat Earth Tony. Its not fair. It’s just not fair. When you Search, “Who is Randy Dunning?” Freakin’ Google will ask, are you sure you didn’t mean Karen Dunning…
KAREN: You think I don’t deserve what I’ve made for myself? You think I cheated?
RANDY: No, Karen. I’m just frustrated. I work so hard and—
KAREN: Sowhat?Everyone is working hard these days.
RANDY: Yeah, but no one seems to care about anything I do. So why should I give a shit about them?
KAREN: Randy, what you’re really asking is… why you should give a shit about me. Not them. And after everything we’ve been through it shouldn’t be so hard for you to find that answer.
RANDY: I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t know… I just wanted to make a video. I just wanted other people to get the chance to learn what I learned from watching those other videos… And then we had some success and it changed everything. All that “if this only reaches one person it’ll be worth it” talk is complete bullshit. No one really feels that way. No one wants to be the person everyone else ignores.
KAREN: No. I get it. And I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to take over your thing. And honestly, Randy, if you look at the number of views your Channel was originally receiving versus what you’re currently getting… the trajectory is fairly indicative of a ShadowBan.
RANDY: Who even knows if Shadowbans are a real thing?
KAREN: Who knows anything anymore? (beat) You know I love you right? You’re the only other person in the entire world who can even begin to understand me.
RANDY: I love you too, Kay-Kay. I’m sorry I wrote negative comments on your videos. I was just jealous. I’ll remove them.
KAREN: I’m sorry I tried to get you canceled by saying you poop in public.
RANDY: It’s cool. If anything we’ve actually gained more subscribers after all that.
KAREN: You’re really lucky to have Gayle. Most couples wouldn’t have been able to survive what you two went through.
RANDY: She’s my rock.
KAREN: I need my rock.
RANDY: You have Mike, right?
KAREN: Ugh… Mike is such a… I don’t know. Sometimes I think he loves Karen Dunning and not Karen.
RANDY: The guy is really weird. You can do better. What happened to Sheila?
KAREN: Do you not remember the fire?
RANDY: Oh shit. That’s right. (laugh) Yeah, she probably won’t take you back will she?
KAREN: That bridge is literally burned.
RANDY: Just please pinky swear that you’ll never date Rick again. Or anyone who even remotely gives off a Rick-ish vibe.
KAREN: I pinky swear. While we’re pinky swearing… do you really have a Freemason in your basement?
INT. BACKSEAT OF CHRYSLER - DRIVING - FLASHBACK
ROSEMARY: That last neighborhood was a bust. Might as well put up a corral and let the sheep graze on their own stupidity…
YOUNG RANDY: Can we go to the Beach?
ROSEMARY: No. There’s no time. We have important work to do. If we take even one day off… the entire universe could collapse in on itself.
YOUNG RANDY: We went to the beach last year.
ROSEMARY: That was different.
YOUNG RANDY: How?
ROSEMARY: It just is.
YOUNG RANDY: I don’t understand why we have to do this.
ROSEMARY: People need to know the truth. They may not always want to hear it. They may not accept it. But people need to know the Truth. And the truth is that our bodies are full of magnetic liquids which can be easily manipulated to heal any and every disease known to man…
Rosemary drives for a bit. We hear the sound of ORLANDO outside their window. Then finally, Rosemary pulls over into another neighborhood and parks.
ROSEMARY: Okay… here we go. I’m picking up really strong vibes in this area… yeah… yeah… this is the place. Someone needs me here. Someone is hurting.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Rosemary Dunning was always trying to help people, but somehow she managed to overlook the two children sitting in the backseat of her stolen Chrysler who desperately needed their Mother. Rosemary wanted to change the world. She wanted to do good for everyone. And the best thing she ever did for her children, Randy and Karen, was getting out of the Chrysler that day…. and never coming back.
INT. BACKSEAT OF CHRYSLER - PARKED The morning sun cuts across the Suburban Orlando neighborhood.
YOUNG KAREN: Randy. Randy, wake up.
YOUNG RANDY: Shut up, Karen.
YOUNG KAREN: Randy, wake up. Mom still isn’t back.
YOUNG RANDY: I’m so freakin’ hungry.
YOUNG KAREN: You’re not supposed to say that.
YOUNG RANDY: I’ll say the real one.
YOUNG KAREN: No, you won’t.
YOUNG RANDY: I will too. I’ll say the fu- word.
YOUNG KAREN: [Gasp] I’ll tell.
YOUNG RANDY: You won’t say a fucking thing.
YOUNG KAREN: [Big Gasp]
YOUNG RANDY: (laughs)
His laughter is cut short by the— Whoop-whoop of a Police Car.
YOUNG RANDY: Oh, fuck.
YOUNG KAREN: Stop saying it!
YOUNG RANDY: Karen, it’s the Feds for real this time.
The Policeman steps out of their Squad car and begins approaching the Chrysler.
YOUNG RANDY: On the count of three run as fast as you can. Okay?
YOUNG KAREN: Bubba, I’m scared.
YOUNG RANDY: Me too. But don’t worry. I’ve got your back. Just run as fast as you can and meet me at the Big Globe place with all the kids.
YOUNG KAREN: 1-2—-
Both back doors on the Chrysler open. Randy and Karen sprint off in opposite directions…
NARRATOR: And now a word from our sponsor.
INT. DUNNING-KREUGER - BASEMENT KAREN and RANDY enter the basement.
KAREN: Jesus Christ, Randy, it smells like old McDonalds down here. Would it kill you to—
Karen stops when she sees Walt’s CAGE.
KAREN: —you really did it… wow. I can’t believe I doubted you. (to Walt) What’s your name?
WALT: Walter. Walter Clay.
KAREN: Tell me something, Walter Clay. What’s the secret knowledge you and your Illuminati brothers have passed down from generation to generation…
RANDY: Illuminati? (laughs) Oh, here we go…
RANDY: Listen, Karen, let me catch you up. Freemasons don’t have anything to do with the Illuminati and they aren’t even a Secret Society per se. It would be more accurate to say they’re a Society with Secrets.
WALT: (cry of pain)
KAREN: What’s wrong with him? And what’s with all the feathers in his cage?
RANDY: What feathers?
Randy looks to see that there are quite a few feathers on the ground. He notices the changes taking place in Walt..
RANDY: Oh shit. Where did those feathers come from? Wally… are you okay, man?
Walt slumps over. Unmoving.
KAREN: Did he just fucking die?
Walt makes a pained noise again.
KAREN: What the fuck is going on?
NARRATOR (V.O.): The fuck that is going on is Walt entering the final stages of his transformation. But first… there’s a knock at the Front Door. Or rather… there are three knocks on the Front Door. (Beat) and a buzzer.
[BUZZER.]
RANDY & KAREN: (simultaneous) Not it.
INT. DINER - FLASHBACK
Young Randy sitting in a diner with Mrs. Clement.
YOUNG RANDY: I don’t want to take Tae Kwon Do lessons! I want to go home.
MRS. CLEMENT: Randy, I really think it’ll provide a nice outlet for your anger and frustration. It isn’t healthy to keep it all pent up.
YOUNG RANDY: Karen has to go too.
MRS. CLEMENT: Of course, Randy. Karen will be there too.
YOUNG RANDY: Okay. I think that’s a good idea because Kay Kay will probably get picked on next year at our new school. And maybe this way she’ll be able to protect herself.
MRS. CLEMENT: I agree, Randy. I also think it will help Karen a lot.
YOUNG RANDY: And you’re not my real mom, Mrs. Clement. And Chuck isn’t my real Dad either.
MRS. CLEMENT: Well, I think I’m just going to love you just the same as I would.
YOUNG RANDY: Ugh. Whatever. Fine. (beat) Can we rent a movie tonight?
MRS. CLEMENT: Sure, Randy. What are you thinking?
YOUNG RANDY: Umm… Maybe something with Karate. Or at least Punching. So, I can start practicing… And maybe teach Kay-Kay a few things.
MRS. CLEMENT: You’re not going to punch your sister, right?
YOUNG RANDY: No way. Never. I’m going to punch the people who try to punch her.
INT. DUNNING-KRUGER HOME - LIVING ROOM
NARRATOR (V.O.): Randy tip-toes across the living room and sneaks up to the peephole in the door. It’s Malcolm. And he’s alone. Karen stands to the side, stealthily peeling back the blinds.
KAREN: (whisper) Do you know this guy?
RANDY: (whisper) No.
And from the other side of the door…
MAC: Open the door, Mate. I can hear you whispering.
Randy opens the door. It’s Mac.
RANDY: Can I help you?
MAC: Where’s the Owl?
RANDY: (mock English accent) Probably at the fucking Zoo, Mate.
Randy starts to slam the door, but Mac sneaks his foot in and stops it.
MAC: Nuh-uh-uh… I don’t have time for the games.
RANDY: Fuck off. This is private prop—ugh!
Mac gives the door a strong push and sends Randy stumbling backward. Mac steps into the Dunning-Kruger home.
INT. DUNNING-KRUGER HOME - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS As Mac enters, Karen is hidden by the door frame.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Mac closes the door behind him, but he doesn’t see Karen. She leaps on Mac’s back like the teenage assassin she was once trained to be. Karen wraps her legs around Mac’s torso and digs her fingers into his face, temporarily blinding him.
NARRATOR (V.O.): As Mac grasps backward trying to get ahold of Karen, Randy delivers a killer, but somewhat rusty sidekick to Mac’s gut.
MAC: Oof..
NARRATOR (V.O.): Oh, its fucking on… Karen rips at Mac’s mouth with her fingers, but she leans in too close and leaves an opening for Mac to deliver a Reverse Head Butt. Momentarily stunned, Karen loses her grip… allowing Mac to spin out of the hold. He punches Karen in the nose.
MAC: Uff—!
KAREN: —hkk—
MAC: Shit. Apologies. Didn’t realize you were a lady.
KAREN: Don’t you dare apologize to me for my gender, asshole.
NARRATOR (V.O.): With a river of blood pouring out of her now broken nose, Karen smiles through slick red teeth and headbutts Mac right back with a dull-hollow— Thwack! Mac is dazed, but still on his feet and fighting. Karen tries to hit Mac with a knifehand chop to the neck, but Mac dodges it, steps back and sweeps Karen’s legs. She lands hard on her side.
SOUNDS | Crash
NARRATOR (V.O.): After hesitating like the world’s worst henchman, Randy telegraphs a completely unnecessary Spinning Backfist which Mac immediately catches. He tosses Randy like a rag doll, sending him crashing hard into a table. But now laying just a few feet from Randy is the Cattleprod. He crawls for it, but just before he can reach it, Mac kicks Randy square in the gut.
RANDY: Argghh… Fuuuuu——
MAC: All right then. Have you got it out of your system now? Where’s the bird?
Commotion from Behind the Basement Door. The sound of things being destroyed. And then a MONSTROUS HOWL.
MAC: Nevermind… I hear him.
THE OWL pounds against the basement door desperate for escape. THUD THUD.
MAC: You two are lucky I found you when I did. A few more minutes and The Owl would’ve been having you for dinner….
The pounding stops for a beat and then the basement door EXPLODES OPEN— sending Mac flying backward.
We can see/hear that Walt has now fully transformed into the monster known as THE OWL. The Owl steps out of the basement and screams.
INT. NURSING HOME - DAY - FLASHBACK
NARRATOR (V.O.): It’s just a few years ago… Randy sits in the Songbird Nursing Home with Mrs. Clement. Randy scrolls through a slideshow of pictures on his phone.
MRS. CLEMENT: Oh, Randy, that's wonderful news. Lucas looks like such a little cutie. When do I get to meet him?
RANDY: Soon. Real soon. They’re running some tests and they want to keep him in the hospital for a few days. He was premature so it’s pretty standard practice or whatever. (beat) The Doc said it was nothing to worry about. I trust him.
MRS. CLEMENT: I’m sure it’s just precautionary.
RANDY: And Expensive. You know I don’t know the first thing about computers, but Eddie set up a GoFundMe for us where people can donate money or just leave words of encouragement…. It seems to be doing really well.. Helps to read the nice comments if nothing else…
MRS. CLEMENT: It’s comforting knowing you have the support of a community. And that you’re not doing anything alone.
A beat of silence.
MRS. CLEMENT: Now listen, Randy, I appreciate you coming to see me. I do, but… go be with Gayle. Go be with your son.
RANDY: I’ve been in that freakin’ hospital for days.
MRS. CLEMENT: Needed a break from all the madness?
RANDY: It’s not even that though… I just wanted to come see you. (beat) And check it out, Bloodsport on Blu-Ray. Tell me you don’t want to watch JVD whoop some ass in ultra crisp HD.
MRS. CLEMENT: Oh, you know I do. What’s Jean-Claude’s situation these days? Is he single?
RANDY: You’re wild, Mrs. Clement. No wonder they keep you locked up in here.
INT. DUNNING-KRUGER HOME - KITCHEN Randy and Karen hide in the kitchen cowering behind the counter. We see a long talon grasp the door knob and open the door. The Owl enters. This is a full-on homage to the Kitchen Scene in Jurassic Park.
KAREN / RANDY: (panicked breaths)
KAREN: What the fuck is that thing?
RANDY: I don’t know…
Owl scream. Monster Hoot. Karen and Randy cower in panic both shushing each other.
RANDY: Shh… Shh… Shh…
KAREN: Shh… Shh… Shh… Shh…
Then we hear from the other room the sound of the Living Room door opening. And Gayle calling out—
INT. LIVING ROOM Gayle enters the Living Room.
GAYLE: Randy you’ll never guess what happened to me at—— Randy!? Babe! What’s going on?
Sounds | We hear the Owl Shriek from the other side of the kitchen door.
GAYLE: What the—? Oh. Huh.
NARRATOR (V.O.): The Owl Shrieks and as Gayle faints… The Owl sees the open doorway behind her.
Mac leaps onto its back.
MAC: No, ya don’t.
NARRATOR (V.O.): The Owl is completely unfazed by Mac. The monster continues to pick up speed before taking off into the evening sky… Mac manages to hold on for a moment, but then falls from its back to the ground at a height of about ten feet. Unfazed and spiking with adrenaline, Mac leaps back up to his feet and sprints down the street to his Jeep.
The kitchen door opens and out step Randy and Karen.
RANDY: Gayle! Gayle, are you okay?
GAYLE: (waking up) What… what was that?
RANDY: Are you hurt?
GAYLE: No. No.. It didn’t touch me…
RANDY: Oh thank God.
Randy kneels down and hugs Gayle.
GAYLE: Randy, look out it’s Karen!
RANDY: I know. She’s cool. Well…
KAREN: Hey, Gayle.
GAYLE: What are you doing here?
KAREN: Saving both of your asses from the looks of it. Seriously, bro, if you’re going to be fighting Monsters you better remember to call me.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Karen tears off part of a pant leg and ties it around her head. No one really knows why and it doesn’t seem very functional, but it is quite badass…
KAREN: Okay, so… who was that guy? What was that thing? What are up against?
RANDY: Honestly, Karen, I don’t have a fucking clue…
GAYLE: Randy, Look. The basement door…
INT. DUNNING-KRUGER BASEMENT - LATER Randy, Gayle and Karen creep down the stairs into the basement.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Gayle isn’t the first one to see the remains of Walter’s cage. But she is the first one to react to it…
GAYLE: Oh, my God, no..
KAREN: What happened to your Freemason, bro?
RANDY: How did that thing even get in here?
GAYLE: Randy…. that cage was destroyed from the inside out…
KAREN: Why isn’t there any blood?
RANDY: What?
KAREN: Why isn’t there any blood? If your Freemason was attacked… shouldn’t there be blood… like everywhere?
RANDY: Yeah… okay. That’s weird.
GAYLE: Unless the monster ate him whole. In that case there wouldn’t be any blood.
KAREN: (putting it together) …And the feathers, they’re everywhere now.
Karen picks one up.
KAREN: This is the same feather we saw earlier, but they were just in the cage with your Freemason. So…
RANDY: He’s a freakin’ Shapeshifter. That motherfucker man. I thought we were friends…. What happened to “you be straight with and I’ll be straight with you.”..?
Suddenly… a voice speaks up… It’s ghostly and a bit pompous really…
NEWTON: Down here. I believe I might be of some assistance.
RANDY: Who the fuck said that?
NEWTON: Please pick me up.
Randy looks around for the source of the voice, but finds nothing.
Karen focuses on the voice and follows the source of it back to the ground to… a RING…Karen picks it up. The voice becomes more clear as she holds it a few feet in front of her face.
GAYLE: It’s Walt’s ring.
NEWTON: I assure you Ma’am, I am so much more than just Walt’s Ring.
KAREN: Oh my God, now there’s a talking ring too. What the hell, Randy? Stop holding out on me. What else is going on?
RANDY: Literally, none of this stuff was happening until today.
Gayle snatches the RING from Karen.
GAYLE: Okay, Mr. Talking Ring… what’s going on? Who are you?
NEWTON: Oh me…. I’m no one of great import you see my name is Sir Isaac Fucking Newton…. Inventor of Gravity, Light, Colors and Calculus. The more important question is…. are you ready to hear the truth about our world, the nature of reality and the secrets of Freemasonry?
RANDY: Yes, oh fuck yes, finally…
NEWTON: You should know that this is going to be some heavy stuff, man…
KAREN: Are we really going to start listening to Sir Isaac Newton?
GAYLE: I think we have to.
NEWTON: Before I get started… would someone mind fingering me?
